Gain a new perspective on how to move forward after tragic loss affects your life.
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Welcome to the Be Your Best Self Blog by Marsha Abbott.
"Every Step Counts."
Everything was fine… Until it wasn’t….
And for some people, it has been a long time since anything has ever really been “fine”…
I was recently talking to a BYBS follower, and this woman’s story is unfortunately filled with what feels like nothing but tragic loss.
This journey of loss all started when she was only 12 years old. At that time, her older brother was suddenly and unexpected killed at the age of 16 in a tragic car accident. It was painful and hard to deal with for not only her but also for her parents and older sister. The heartache has always been there, and that void will never again be filled within their family.
So in that moment, everything was not fine. It wasn’t fine at all…. How will she be able to move on and overcome this?
But it didn’t end there…
Because as we can all probably imagine, the loss of a child can be so difficult on a marriage. So while some figure out a way to work through it, others decide to part ways. And for my friend, the latter is just what happened. About two years later, when she was only 14 years old, her parents decided to get divorced. She had another sudden loss in her life. She lost the comfort of her family staying whole and working through their tragedy together. It was heartbreaking on top of everything else.
Nothing in that moment felt “fine”… How will she move forward and deal with this?
And just when you think her loss can’t get any greater, it does. As this blog follower grew into a young woman and started creating a family of her own, she grew incredibly close to her mother. They were inseparable and the best of friends. It’s the type of relationship any of us could ever hope to have with our parent. Her mom was a huge part of her world, and at the age of 34, when her mom was diagnosed with cancer and passed away at the young age of 63, my friend experienced more grieving than she knew possible. Her very best friend was gone. And she knew her mother was going to miss out on so much…especially when it came to watching her grandchildren grow. This loss hurt my friend more than my words can describe. Some days…it was even hard to get out of bed.
It seemed that her whole world would never be fine again… How will she go on?
Then just two short years later, her father passed away too. He was only 66. My friend was still just a young woman herself and yet again, she had to deal with a tragic and unexpected loss of yet another parent. It was now just her and her sister left. And while they are close, they live on different sides of the country. So it isn’t always easy to get together and be there for each other. Everyone else in her family was now gone. The pain was very real, very raw, and incredibly hard to deal with.
It has been a very long time since the world around her felt “fine”… Will things ever get better?
But as I talked to my friend and as she shared her story, I realized that you would never have known of all of the loss she carries. You would never know because she always has a smile on her face. She is one of the kindest and sweetest souls I have ever met. When she enters the room, she brings sunshine and light with her Every.Single.Time. So you would just never guess that this is the story of her family. You truly would just never know.
When I look around this world today, it’s pretty clear that it is filled with tragic loss. Some people’s stories being worse than others. And some people’s stories being incredibly unbearable. Some never smile again after seeing family and friends pass away or losing parents too soon or from having the heartache of losing a child. Some can’t ever move on after dealing with that type of grief or pain. It is so raw that it feels like it will swallow them whole.
How many of you right now, in this moment, are dealing with exactly this? Who out there feels like their loss in this world is so great that they are certain they will never smile again…they will never be happy again?
If so, then let me share with you what this blog follower shared with me. Because after hearing her story, these next questions came naturally, and I just had to ask my friend. I just had to know…
How did you go forward and overcome all this tragic loss? How did things get better? How did you move on? How do you keep smiling and bringing joy to this world?
And the next words she spoke will forever be etched into my mind. She simply said this…
“You just need to keep putting one foot in front of the other. That is all you can do in situations like this.”
And she has always done just that. She decided in these moments of tragedy to just put one foot in front of the other. And even though she grieves, even though she is sad, even though some days she doesn’t feel like smiling, she remembers to look around and smile anyway. To see all of the good things that still are happening in her life…like her great relationship with her husband, her beautiful children, her sister, her health, her friends, and the list goes on.
When I watch her live out her life, it seems to me that she finds happiness and joy in all that she does, and she has really learned to let the small things go. With everything she has been through, she knows what is important in life…but she also knows what isn’t. And that is what she focuses on each day as she takes one step at a time.
Dealing with tragic loss that seems to want to eat us alive is never easy. And truthfully, we probably won’t everfully overcome it and move on. It’s possible that everything in our life will never feel “fine” again. That is the price we pay for the deep love we have for those in our life. But my friend taught me that when this happens, all we can do is get up, do life, and simply put one foot in front of the other. We can still choose to focus on the amazing things that we do have, and we can use those blessing to help carry us forward. Because sometimes in life everything seems to be fine…until suddenly it isn’t. And it’s in moments like this where every tiny step forward seems to count the most…
Xoxo
Marsha
*For those of you struggling with something in life or have a topic of interest that you want me to talk about in this blog, email me at BeYourBestSelfBlog@gmail.com. Let’s work together to Be Our Best Selves!