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Welcome to the Be Your Best Self Blog by Marsha Abbott.
"It All Just Hit Me..."
It all just hit me…and at a dance competition of all places…
Have any of you ever thought about what it means to be a parent? I mean, have any of you ever reallythought about what that means? I always thought I knew what it meant, that I understood the whole concept…until the day of this competition. And then everything changed.
My oldest daughter (my “bonus” daughter) owns a dance studio. And my youngest daughter dances and competes on one of her teams. As some of us dance moms were waiting for the girls to perform, one of them shared with me that she always thought I was my oldest daughter’s “real” mom until she met her mother about a month before that. Of course, we had to laugh at this because my bonus daughter looks nothing like me. Literally we are day and night when it comes to our appearances. And once you meet her mom, it’s pretty obvious to the naked eye that they are very much mother and daughter. You can’t miss the connection or the resemblance!
So over the years, I have been very mindful of always letting people know that I am her “bonus” mom…. mostly out of respect for her mother. It's not that I don’t want to be her “real” mom. Frankly, I would love that because she is such a great person and an important part of my life. But I always want to honor that incredible woman in her life, and I want to give respect to her amazing mom who loves her daughter more than anything else in this world! So again, to honor that, I always make sure that everyone around us knows she has another mother…. her “real” mom.
And to be honest, after all of these years that I have been her bonus mom, I always wondered what my role was or what it should be with my oldest daughter. Where do I fit in since I am not her “real” mom? But then this dance mom said something that had so much impact on me. She said only a few words, and that is when it all just hit me…
This woman looked at me and said that while my oldest looks like her mother and while she has a great mom who loves her unconditionally and would do anything for her, she still sees some of me in her. And then she said that it all makes sense because after all of these years of being in her life, I too have left my “print” on her.
And with those words, it was like a light in my brain finally turning on…after all of these years.
Because when it comes to parenting, grandparenting, fostering, or even adopting, we are all given an opportunity in those moments to make a lasting impression on the children in our lives. We are given this incredible gift to leave our “print” or our “mark” on these children as they learn and as they continue to grow into adulthood. A friend of mine recently reminded me that as parents or guardians, everything we do…everything we say…will shape these children into who they will become in the future. That is not something to take lightly. And that is no easy burden to carry…
So now knowing all of this, I am going to ask you the same questions that ran through my mind on that special competition day. As you raise those beautiful children around you, what kind of “print” do you want to leave? What lasting impression do you want to give them for the years to come? What does that look like? And most importantly, are you making the right choices today, in order to make sure that happens?
It took a random dance competition for me to finally understand that I didn’t have to be my oldest daughter’s “real” mom in order to impact her life too. I didn’t have to be her birth mother in order to take part in shaping who she has become today. Instead, just being in her life has allowed me to do my part…and honestly, I hope I did her proud.
But I am still not done as I raise my younger two. And hopefully, as life allows, I will never be done…because I can only hope that in the future, grandparenting will be my next adventure. And while I thought I always understood what parenting meant, I can honestly say that I never really got it…until now…until it all just hit me...at a dance competition of all places. But now that I do know, I wish more than anything that when I am old and grey, I will have done all of them proud with the choices I made and with this “print” that I was fortunate enough to get to leave behind.
*For those of you struggling with something in life or have a topic of interest that you want me to talk about in this blog, email me at BeYourBestSelfBlog@gmail.com. Let’s work together to Be Our Best Selves!