Gain a new perspective when it comes to quitting something we don't enjoy.
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Welcome to the Be Your Best Self Blog by Marsha Abbott.
"Loser?'
Quit. Quitting. Quitter. Or should I just say…loser. Because if you choose to quit, that absolutely makes you a loser! Or does it?
I have this friend of mine who is so important in my life. I not only love her because she is a good person and an amazing friend, but I also admire her because she is such a good mom.
The other day, she told me a story that rocked my world. She made me see a different perspective, and it is a point of view I haven’t ever looked at before. Her middle school daughter went out for track this year. And every day, as this sweet young girl went to practice, she loved the sport more and more. It was a perfect addition to her already busy sports life!
That is, until she went to her first meet…
It was right then and there that her daughter realized she didn’t really like track. She actually didn’t like it at all. What she realized she loved was the workout and all of the training that was required to compete. But not really the meets. It just wasn’t her thing. And so guess what she wanted to do? She wanted to quit! She didn’t want to continue down this path anymore and had regretted going out in the first place. She ended up confessing this secret to her mom one night.
So what was her mother to do? What would you do? We have this unstated rule in our society to never quit something that we start. To never let our kids quit something they join. Why? Because society will judge us. Because society will think we failed. Because society will think that we have become…you guessed it…losers! And as a mother, my dear friend had this first instinct too! But then she did something I would have never thought to do. And you won’t believe the outcome…
My friend told her daughter that she would, in fact, allow her to quit track. She didn’t want her to spend that much time and energy on something she truly didn’t enjoy. But she had one stipulation…she told her daughter that in order to quit, SHE was going to have to approach the coaches. That SHE was going to have to explain to the them exactly why she wanted to quit. And so her brave, young daughter did just that! She approached her coaches, explained the situation and told them she wanted to quit track. But then the coaches told her something that has become priceless to me and in the way I had always perceived these types of situations.
They told this young woman that because she was mature and brave enough to share her true feelings and to share what she truly wanted, that she wasn’t quitting. Instead, she was withdrawing. The coaches then reminded her that even as adults, we all start things we think we will enjoy and then found out later, it is just not for us. So in these moments, it’s okay to be honest, upfront, and withdrawal from what we thought we wanted to do.
Think about this story for a second. We have all had times in our life where we thought we wanted to go one direction just to find out that it really wasn’t for us. What did you do in those moments? I bet many of you (just like me) carried on with what you didn’t enjoy because you weren’t brave enough to quit. Because you weren’t brave enough to follow your heart. And because you were too scared to be known as a loser. To be known as a quitter.
But looking back on this story, I am only certain of one thing now…this young woman learned more from her mom and from her coaches by withdrawing then she could have ever learned by sticking out a sport she didn’t enjoy. This amazing young lady learned what it means to be brave, to be strong, to be open and honest about what was in her heart, which is no easy task for any of us.
So when these moments pop up in your life, remember that quitting doesn’t make you or someone you love a quitter. It doesn’t mean you failed, and it certainly doesn’t mean you are a loser. And you should never be judged. Because instead, if you can learn and grow from that experience, like my good friend’s daughter did, then in my eyes you will unquestionably be considered a winner…Every.Single.Time.
*For those of you struggling with something in life or have a topic of interest that you want me to talk about in this blog, email me at BeYourBestSelfBlog@gmail.com. Let’s work together to Be Our Best Selves!