As we travel through life with our companion by our side, gain a new perspective on how to live out that happily ever after together.
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Welcome to the Be Your Best Self Blog by Marsha Abbott.
"Once Upon a Time..."
Once Upon a Time…
There was a princess who was in a desperate state and looking for her prince charming to rescue her. And as each princess story unfolds, they all end up with the prince “saving” the princess, whisking her off her feet, and living happily ever after. And that is how the story always seems to end.
Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty…all amazing princess stories of my time! I truly loved each and every one of them because who doesn’t love a little Disney once in a while. And long ago when I was that little girl starring at the TV screen with pure excitement in my eyes, well let’s just say I wouldn’t trade that enthusiastic feeling of waiting for my true love, my soul mate, for anything in the world.
And it doesn’t end there…let’s not forget about the ‘Ross and Rachel’ stories or ‘Meredith and McDreamy’ fairy tales that seem to speak to us even as adults. That kind of love always feels romantic. And it has a way of reminding us that our one and only is just waiting out there to fall in love with us, rescue us, and create ourhappily ever after.
So is it that easy? Were the expectations I had as a little girl realistic? And can finding that one and only, that soul mate, be as simple as Johnny and “Baby” (who isn’t in the corner anymore) seem to make it?
For most of the married people out there, I would guess that you would answer a very definite NO! Because let’s be real…life isn’t always that easy. And marriage and relationships are no exception. Living your life with a companion is truly not for the faint of heart, that is for sure.
But I am going to challenge all of you today. Instead of quickly answering No, I want you to re-analyze those questions I just asked, and instead, we are all going to learn how we can answer a very definite YES in our life! And if you are wondering how this can be, how our little girl fantasies of the perfect relationship can really come to life, well stay on this journey with me today, so we can learn about it together.
The other day I was talking to a friend of mine. She is quite a few years younger than me so often it seems that I am the “big sister” in this relationship. As my friend learns to navigate life, she loves to ask questions to learn from my experiences…from everyone’s experiences for that matter. It’s one of the things I truly love about her! She is always looking to learn, grow, and become a better wife, mother, friend, and just an overall successful human in life. I just love her determination and zest for life! So the other day when she asked me this one particular question out of the blue, it really had me thinking. She looked at me and asked,
“So do you and your husband ever fight? It seems that you two always get along, and you never really complain about anything he does. Is your relationship really that good, or am I missing something?”
And I have to be honest, I didn’t know how to answer her. It was interesting to me that this is how she perceived our relationship. To perceive it in such a way that from the outside looking in, it did seem easy…like a fairy tale.
But let’s be clear…no relationship worth having is ever that easy. When I think back to the early days with my love, I remember the fights. I recall the arguments, especially when the children were little. I remember the anger, the hurt, and the expectations that neither one of us could live up to. In fact, my husband and I even have very different spiritual beliefs. So much so that the church I wanted to get married in actually told us we weren’t compatible to be married at all! So let me tell you, this story of ours, it’s not what fairy tales are made of.
But as we have gotten older, there is one major shift that I have seen happen in our relationship. And while the arguments and fights still come up once in a while, and while we both drive each other crazy with our quirks and bad habits, the one thing that has changed is that we have learned to accept each other for who we truly are, flaws and all. We have finally figured out that a perfect marriage consists of accepting the fact that we will always have an imperfect marriage…and that really is okay.
So to answer my friend’s questions? Yes, we fight and yes, sometimes I want to rip my hair out over how much he frustrates me. And I KNOW that if he had enough hair, he would want to do the same…I am not easy to live with. But we have to remember that no one ever said ‘Edward & Vivienne’ didn’t have troubles too after he overcame his fear of heights and climbed up her fire escape to “rescue” her. Relationships and marriages are not always a walk in the park, but even without romance 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, we still have that chance to live out our fairy tale ending. We still have a chance to say YES when asked if we are living out our little girl princess fantasies.
And here is how….
While marriage and relationships take work…and oh boy do they ever…we have to remember that all of the compromises, all of the forgiveness, all of the unconditional love, all of the trust, all of the accepting…well, when we are genuine about that being our reality too, and when we find someone out there who we love and who also loves us enough to accept who we truly are…to me that is what fairy tales are made of. So if we instead choose to wrap all of that up into a “once upon a time” neat little story, then maybe…just maybe…what we will actually be able to see is a true “happily ever after”…living itself out in our own imperfect life.
*For those of you struggling with something in life or have a topic of interest that you want me to talk about in this blog, email me at BeYourBestSelfBlog@gmail.com. Let’s work together to Be Our Best Selves!