Gain a new perspective on analyzing past choices and mistakes.
*Sign Up for Weekly Updates HERE!
Welcome to the Be Your Best Self Blog by Marsha Abbott.
"Picture This..."
Picture this…
It’s a beautiful fall day. You are driving down the road with the windows down, and the fresh breeze is blowing through your hair. The view out the windshield in front of you is truly a sight to see! It’s the most spectacular day you could have ever hoped for! And you feel so good. Life feels so good!
But then you decide, for some reason, to just take a quick peek through that small rearview mirror to see what’s happening behind you. And suddenly, everything changes. You regret ever looking. You’re very sorry that you did. You realize then that you should never have taken your eyes off of the amazing view in front of you. You now wish, more than anything, that you would have never looked at what was happening behind you…
I recently talked to a BYBS blog follower who shared with me her story of her adult years. It involved the typical milestones – married in her 20’s, children by her 30’s, and everything that seems to naturally fall in between. But her journey took a turn from that normal path about 8 years ago. After 40 years of being with her husband, she had enough. She spent years of their marriage with her husband really never present. The romance was gone. His effort became minimal. And all of the times she asked him to give a little, to meet her needs, and to be there for her, he simply wouldn’t. It’s like over time, he slowly stopped caring. She may have had a partner in life, but she had never felt more alone.
And then she found out the one thing no married person every wants to find out…he was cheating on her. So after 40 years, she packed up her things and decide to start a new life. She decided to start over. She was sick and tired of living this way, and she knew she deserved better. Enough was finally enough.
So the ending of her story should now say, “And she lived happily ever after…”. That is the ending we all expect to hear right now. But this is not where her story ends…
As I talk to her today, 8 years after getting out of an unhappy marriage, she shared with me something profound, and I believe it is something that we all tend to do. She shared with me that she frequently looks back upon those years and often has these questions running through her mind…
“Why did I stay so long? How could I have been so stupid? What is wrong with me that I let myself be so miserable for so many years? Am I truly just a loser in life because I allowed him to treat me this way?”
As she shared with me the thoughts she was having, I had only one question for her…”Are you happy today?”
And she had one simple answer…”Very much so!”
It was in that moment when I realized exactly what this blog follower was doing. I then realized that I often do it too. And as I reflected on it, I was certain that many of you BYBS blog followers out there are probably experiencing this as well. So it’s time we learn from our friend, and then let’s figure out a way to grow from it.
Here is what I saw our friend doing: She was focusing on the past, and she was having a hard time letting it go. It didn’t matter how happy she was in this moment. It didn’t matter that life was mapping out the exact way she now wanted it too. And it certainly didn’t matter that she didn’t have any regrets from her decision to leave. She still couldn’t help dwelling on the past and criticizing herself for her past decisions and even her past mistakes.
So now look at your own life: How often do you do that? How many times have you made a decision and spend the rest of your life questioning it? How often do you look back on a mistake you made and internally criticize yourself for it? How hard are you being on yourself when it comes to reflecting on your former self? Do you beat yourself up inside, over and over again, about the same situation that happened so long ago?
I suspect your answers to these questions will be similar to what this blog follower is also experiencing. I know I catch myself doing it regularly. Feeling bad for something we did long ago. Wondering if we are bad people because of some of our choices. Hating ourselves for some awful words we may have spoken or some actions we may have taken.
But here is the reality of it all – nobody is perfect and none of us have the answers when we are living out these moments. All we can do is the best we can with the situations that surround us. And when we stumble along the way, it’s okay to forgive ourselves, to accept our actions, and to love our past selves…even if our new self would have acted much differently. It’s all part of living, of learning, and of growing from our experiences.
And to my BYBS blog friend, that is exactly what you did! You learned from your past life and your past decisions. You learned, and you chose to grow from it! So now it’s time to love yourself again – your old self, your new self, and the future self you will soon become.
If we can all learn to do this when we are in similar situations, then the following is exactly what our life is going to start to look like…
So picture this…
It’s a beautiful fall day, and as you are driving down the road with the spectacular view in front of you, you feel so good. Life is so good! So instead, you decide to stay focused on not only the attractiveness of the moment, but you also look forward to the great things that are coming up on the road ahead. In that moment, you decide that there is no reason to ever again look up at that rearview mirror. What you see in there is all behind you now. So you choose instead to keep moving forward because you finally realized that you aren’t going to let your past hold you back anymore.
*For those of you struggling with something in life or have a topic of interest that you want me to talk about in this blog, email me at BeYourBestSelfBlog@gmail.com. Let’s work together to Be Our Best Selves!