When life seems out of control, gain a new perspective on how to move forward.
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Welcome to the Be Your Best Self Blog by Marsha Abbott.
"To Fly or To Drive?
There is one thing that we all want in our life, yet it is the one thing we will never get. So why in the world do we spend so much of our time and energy trying to do just that?
My husband and I decided to take a short trip to Virginia Beach with the children this summer. We have never been there before but saw there was going to be a Dave Matthews concert in town. Knowing that he is our favorite musician, we thought it was the perfect chance to get to experience Virginia and the salty life that comes along with it.
Living in Iowa, we knew we had a decision to make. To fly or to drive? -- Now that is the question. Since we wanted to make this a quick trip, the answer was pretty easy…so we booked those flights and prepared for our next adventure. And like every other year, the summer flew on by, and the morning of our trip soon drew near. As we made our way through the airport and boarded that jet plane, I started to think about the decision we had made to get here. And I realized in that moment that so many others out there have a harder time with this choice of whether to fly or to drive...
Some may make their choice based on their finances (which makes perfect sense). Some likely make this decision based on the amount of time they have (like we did). And others…well they might instead base their decision on something else altogether. Some people out there just know their answer immediately…and it’s to drive because frankly, they are scared to death of flying.
Over the years, I have met many people who are petrified to fly, so as our plane took off for the East Coast that morning, I started to think about WHY they are scared. What makes them choose to always drive and to never fly? Because logic will tell us over and over again that the safe way to travel is to actually fly. According to reddit.com, the chances of getting killed in a plane crash are 1 in 11 million. While the chances of dying in a motor vehicle accident are 1 in 5,000. So for me…I’ll take my chance at flying Every.Single.Time, if I can afford it.
This statistic then made me even more curious about those people who are nervous to fly. What are they really scared of? Are they scared that the “flangie” (as Phoebe Buffay would say) is broken? Are they worried that the plane could so easily crash to the ground? Are they nervous that the pilot had a bad day and might take it out on all of the passengers?
And that is when it hit me…
I believe those people are making this decision because they are trying to attain something in their life, but it is something they will never get. It is something none of us will ever get. So, as I sat back in my not-so-comfortable airplane seat that morning and reflected on this thought, I realized that this “thing” they want in their life, it applies to so much more then whether we should fly or whether we should drive. Even for those of us who like to fly, it applies to us too but in other parts of our life.
So what is it that we want so badly? What is this “thing” that lingers in our minds that would make us choose to drive instead of to fly every chance we get? I believe it is simply this -- we all want control over our lives.
But in order to have control in our life, it means we can’t always trust. We can’t trust that pilot on the plane with our lives…we don’t even know them! We can’t trust others to follow through on their tasks…so we just do it ourselves! We can’t trust to let our children out of our sight…because then bad things could happen! And some of us even feel that we can’t trust anything or anyone in our lives…so we live with a constant wall around our hearts.
Does any of this sound familiar in your life? I know it does in mine.
Because if you know me then you know one simple fact about me…I am a control freak. I truly know that I am…without a doubt. So while I may be able to handle a flight to another part of the country, I sure want control over most everything else. And when I “lose” that control, my life seems to fall apart.
But that is the crazy part about being in control of our life. We may think we have it all worked out. We might feel like everything has fallen into place because of our actions. But then reality sets in, and something or someone comes along to disrupt it all. These unpredictable events turn our life upside down, and that control that we had seems to be gone forever. But here is the thing…we never really had it to begin with. And we can’t lose something that was never really there.
So how do we change this? How do learn to accept unpredictability in our lives and in turn, learn to trust again? I am certain it won’t be easy. And I know many of us will stumble along the way. But what I do know is that sometimes, we really do need to just let go. We need to free ourselves and stop wasting energy on the things we can’t change. We need to stop trying to control every tiny aspect of our life. Instead, it is time to learn to trust again, and let life play out the way it is meant to play out.
So, let’s try to accomplish this together. For some of us it might be as simple as introducing meditation and yoga into our lives. Perhaps a few of us will use a therapist to teach us life skills on how to help. And for the rest of us, it may end up being a combination of both. Whatever our path, the secret is to learn to free our minds from this ridiculous idea that we must “control” everything, because we can’t. It just doesn’t work that way.
Because life will always be unpredictable and that is okay (because it has to be okay). And what will be…will just be (whether we like it or not). So, let’s learn to trust again in our lives. Let’s learn to let go of that control. And I don’t just mean that choice of whether you are going to fly or whether you are going to drive as you plan your next adventure. Because really…in our lives…it applies to so much more than just that.
*For those of you struggling with something in life or have a topic of interest that you want me to talk about in this blog, email me at BeYourBestSelfBlog@gmail.com. Let’s work together to Be Our Best Selves!