When trying to please everyone around you, gain a new perspective on how to choose your happiness too.
*Sign Up for Weekly Updates HERE!
Welcome to the Be Your Best Self Blog by Marsha Abbott.
"Will It Be Worth It?"
Every decision we make in life has a cost…the question becomes, “Will it be worth it?”
Recently, I had a BYBS blog follower tell me about some of the difficulties she is having in her life right now with her family. She is having trouble with them accepting her new significant other.
Why is this happening, you might ask? Well, it’s as simple as this: They don’t like him. They have no interest in inviting him to family functions. They firmly believe he is all wrong for my friend and that she should clearly find someone else. But here is the sad part: They don’t really know him. Honestly, they have never spent much time with him at all. It’s all about what they think they know about him because of things they have heard from others. But so far, they have never made the attempt to learn it for themselves. They have never made the effort to see how these two are together, to see the love and friendship that they so noticeably share. They never took the time to see how happy he really does make my friend. They just never even tried.
But that isn’t the part of the story that blows me away. It’s this next part. Because, you see, my friend…well…she has never asked them to accept him or welcome him either. She has never put herself out there and forced the discussion with her family. A discussion about giving him a chance…for her.
So of course, I had the same question running through my mind that all of you probably do too…” Well, why not?” Why hasn’t she talked to them about this? What has truly been holding her back from asking for that one thing she so clearly wants? And the answer…it was just as surprising: She is a people pleaser to her very core. She likes to do things for others that will make them feel good. This BYBS follower literally has the biggest heart and wants nothing more than to make everyone around her happy…to make them content in life. And so…she never asked. She never pushed the issue because it makes her family uncomfortable to even discuss it, and she doesn’t like the fights that end up happening because of it. So she has chosen, right at this moment, to just let it go. She has made the decision to just accept their inability to accept him.
My friend is making that choice so that everyone around her will be happy. But that decision, like all of them in life, really does come at a cost.
And so now it’s time to ask: What really is that cost to her? And will it be worth it?
There is no doubt that being a people pleaser is not a bad quality to have. This is a trait that I, too, strongly carry with me in life. So I probably get it more than anyone! Pleasing others allows us the advantage of having a large social circle. It makes us feel good when we can make people smile. We genuinely enjoy life trying to help others through their troubles and trying to make things brighter, somehow, with our kindness. Like I said, it’s not a bad quality to have. But being this type of person, and I am sure my friend would agree, it isn’t always what it’s cracked up to be.
We have a fine line we have to watch closely, and unfortunately that is a line my friend is really teetering on right now. It’s a fine line of wanting to please others, but ultimately doing it at the expense of our own happiness. And that is exactly the cost my friend is paying right now for making this decision to not have a difficult conversation with her family…to do nothing…to say nothing.
So I’m curious... Do any of you, right now, have a similar situation you are dealing with in life? Or maybe you have another problem you are afraid to address as you don’t want to upset those around you? It could be possibly a hurtful decision by a co-worker or boss that left you feeling upset. Or it could be a friend or family member in your life who said unkind words that left you feeling down about yourself. What decision did you make in that moment? Are you also choosing to do nothing…to say nothing? If so, then you also need to ask yourself this next question…
Is that decision really worth it? Because when it comes to my friend, and if you ask my opinion, I’d say that it is a hard ‘No’. I feel that it’s too high of a price to pay. That price of forgoing our own happiness in order to please others. The price of giving up a piece of ourselves to make others around us more comfortable.
And while my friend really does want to make everyone around her feel good …which I truly admire about her …what she has to remember is that every once in a while, it’s okay to choose our own happiness first. To pick ourselves over others sometimes…with no guilt…with no remorse. To realize that we truly are in charge of our own destiny, our own joy, and that it’s okay to do what needs to be done in order to live our best life. Because that’s the thing…we only get one life! And we need to make it count.
So to my fellow BYBS blog follower and to all of you out there dealing with something similar in life right now, it’s time to move in a different direction. It’s time to put yourself out there and choose YOU and your happiness first…for once. And here is the best part for my friend: I believe that if your family is as wonderful as you are, they will want nothing more than to also make you happy too. Just like you always do for them! So when you do finally make that choice to ask them for what you want, for what you need in life…then I am sure you will finally see that the cost for that decision, well, it really will be so incredibly worth it.
*For those of you struggling with something in life or have a topic of interest that you want me to talk about in this blog, email me at BeYourBestSelfBlog@gmail.com. Let’s work together to Be Our Best Selves!